The Darkness of Light
by SydneyAnneVaughn
Summary: MidS3, Juliark. Sydney as Julia.
1. Chapter 1

**The Darkness Of Light  
**  
**By:** Eva Marie Rayne  
**Rating:** PG-13, but racier chapters will be identified in advance.  
**POV:** Julia  
**Ship:** Juliark  
**Background:** Sydney was really brainwashed into being Julia. Mid-S3 with flashbacks to her first 2 years.  
**Summary:** This is a work in progress that is currently being worked into chapters & so on.

**Chapter 1**

My name is Julia Thorne. Two years ago, I was recruited as a freelancer for a group called The Covenant. I was part of a 4-man team led by Simon Walker. Simon and I had managed to have an...interesting working relationship until 2 weeks ago. He was discovered by the CIA and he was killed.

"Julia." My name was uttered into the tiny room by my boss, McKenas Cole.

"I'm sorry, what?" My mind was constantly going back to the night Simon was killed.

"Your attention seems to be...wavering lately." he said, "Is there something wrong?"

"No. I just haven't been getting much sleep." I answered. McKenas was kind of like an older brother to me, so he always worried.

"Well then, your objective is to observe Mr. Sark. The Man has some sort of interest in him, so I suggested you for the job."

"I guess I should be grateful, but what about my work with Lazarey?"

"It has a link to Mr. Sark somehow, but we're not sure. You'll have to postpone it for a few days."

"Alright. What's the mission?"

"Mr. Sark is staying in Argentina to meet with a contact. He'll be waiting at the Espiro Bar in Buenos Aires tonight."

"Who's the contact?"

"You are, my dear." he replied, "You'll meet with him to propose a partnership. Something like taking down other organizations with your combined intelligence."

"And if he refuses?"

"I'm sure you'll find a way to persuade him."

So that was that. I'd have to seduce Mr. Sark into a partnership for the benefit of some person whose real name or identity I didn't even know. Right, then.

I went to my apartment in Rome to pack a bag. Always looking out for me, McKenas called to let me know that my plane was waiting for me at the airstrip.

I got to the plane quickly with a smile. McKenas always let me use private charter flights for missions because he knew I hated flying with the masses. Commercial flights leave you with an unbearable stench, the food is horrible, and I always get stuck near some non-English speaking woman with 12 raucous kids.

The flight to Buenos Aires didn't take as long as I expected. After leaving the plane, I was left in the late afternoon sun to call McKenas and arrange for transport to my hotel.

"Cole." he answered.

"I'm in Argentina."

"How's the weather?"

"I need transport."

"Always with business, Julia. I'll call Miss Santos to pick you up."

"Tell her to hurry."

"Patience, dear."

"I mean it."

"Alright. I'll see when you get back."

"Not if I see you first."

"Touché."

"Call Santos already, McKenas."

"As you wish. Goodbye."

"Bye." I snapped my phone shut. About 10 minutes later, Miss Santos arrived to take me to my hotel.

"Thanks for picking me up." I said, throwing my bag in the back seat as I got in.

"No problem." she replied, "By the way, I don't think we've officially met. I'm Nadia Santos."

"Julia Thorne."

"So what brings you to Buenos Aires on Covenant business?

"Observation and infiltration."

"Mr. Sark, right?" I looked at her quizzically.

"If there's a mark in Argentina, I'm told about it. I usually also pick up the agents that land near Buenos Aires. I'm not a field agent, but I'm definitely someone in the know." she explained.

"Mr. Sark is a point of interest for The Covenant, so I'm supposed to meet with him." After another bit of small talk, we arrived in front of a rather fancy hotel.

"Here we are." Nadia said, handing me a room key, "You're in 156 and a limo should arrive around 9pm to take you to the meet."

"Thank you." I said, grabbing my bag as I got out of the car. I walked quickly through the lobby of the hotel, trying to get to my room as quick as possible.

Once I got to it, I realized it looked a lot like Simon's room in Sevilla. The memory brought a smile to my face as I thought about what we did that night. Once we'd come back from the night's job, we spent the rest of the evening ripping off our clothing and giving ourselves to one another.

_If only I didn't get up to go get ice._ I thought.

_-FLASHBACK- _

_I wrapped myself in a robe and went to the ice machine. While I was out of the room, 3 CIA agents stormed in and shot him. I never even heard the shots. I came back upstairs to all kinds of commotion and saw Simon lying lifeless on the floor, covered in blood, with the signature CIA 3-shot pattern on his chest._

I felt a few tears sting my eyes, but quickly wiped them away. Tears were weakness, and all I knew was darkness, pain, hate, blood, and lies. Granted, some of those feelings showed weakness when expressed publicly, but that's why I constantly remained stone-faced about everything.

I unpacked my bag, putting everything in its proper place. I then washed my face and took a good hard look in the mirror. I would get through this without emotion and get back home in one piece to ask for a week's time away. I knew that McKenas, being like my older brother, wouldn't hesitate. I'd been working nonstop for the last 3 months, even more so for the last 2 weeks since Sevilla.

I'll never admit it to anyone, not even McKenas, but I needed Simon so badly. He may have been an ass sometimes, but being by his side filled a huge void inside of me.

I threw my head forward, my face plunging into the cold water of the washbasin. Now was not the time for this. I had to meet with Mr. Sark in almost an hour.

_Get your head back in the game, Julia._

I pulled my face from the washbasin, looking at myself in the mirror. Water trickled down my cheeks, dripping off my chin. I gently dried my face and looked at myself again.

"You can do this." I said to my reflection. I then went to get myself changed for the meet.

I wore a simple black satin dress that stopped just above the knee. It was edged in black lace and had a very low-cut V neckline with spaghetti straps. I paired it with a pair of black heels with straps that wrapped up to my mid-calf and a simple black lace choker.

I was feeling very good about myself as I did my makeup, putting on black eyeliner with silver eyeshadow. A sweep of light blush and a coat of clear sugar gloss later, I was ready to go. I made sure my hair looked okay in its loosely clipped back state and looked to the sky outside my window.

"I miss you." I said, trying not to cry. I smiled to myself, grabbed my purse, and made my way downstairs.

The limo was waiting for me when I came out of the front door of the hotel. The driver kindly opened the door for me, before getting back in and driving to Espiro.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 **

We arrived at the bar (which was actually a club called Espiro Bar) about 30 minutes after leaving the hotel. Before I got out of the limo, I called McKenas to let him know I'd made it.

"Cole." He answered.

"You really need a new greeting." I said.

"Ah, my dear Julia. Where have you been all my life?"

"Cute." I said sarcastically, "I'm at Espiro. I just wanted to call for luck."

"Well then, good luck and hurry your hiney up and get in there. Mr. Sark's expecting you…5 minutes ago."

"Thanks for the support."

"Anytime. I'll see you when you get back."

"Not if I-"

"See me first? I know. You should get a new closing."

"Ha ha. I'll see you when I get back to Rome."

"Goodbye."

"Bye." I quickly snapped my phone closed, signaling the driver to let me out.

He opened my door and offered a hand to help me out. A few guys were staring at me as I walked up to the doorman.

"Nombre." He said very businesslike. ("Name.")

"Julia Thorne. Estoy aquí hablar con Mr. Sark." ("Julia Thorne. I'm here to speak with Mr. Sark.")

"Entra por favor, Miss Thorne." ("Please come in, Miss Thorne.")

He led me through a throng of dancers to a private room. There, I saw a blonde-haired, blue-eyed man in his mid-20's, wearing an impeccable black designer suit. He was quite fetching and I found myself wanting to thank McKenas for suggesting me for this meeting.

The doorman whispered something in his ear and he quickly shot a look at me over his shoulder. He then nodded and the doorman left. He stood from his chair, giving me a once-over before speaking to me.

"Sydney?" he asked with an awed look on his face.

"I'm sorry, what did you just call me?" I replied with a look of disgust.

"I called you by your name. Sydney Bristow."

"Not even close honey. My name is Julia Thorne. I came with a proposal for you."

"Forgive me for mistaking you, but you look almost exactly like another woman I used to know."

"Okay. Now that we've got that confusion out of the way, why don't we talk over a glass of wine?"

"A woman after my own heart."

"That's not all I'm after." I replied, eyeing him very slowly.

"I'm quite flattered, but I believe in business first."

"Well then, I have a great business proposition for you."

"Yes, you've mentioned that already."

"I know. I'm just checking to see if you're following me."

"I assure you, I would have no problem following you."

"Good." I said, "Here's the deal: I'm one of the best freelancers The Covenant has since Simon Walker was killed, but they're treating me like a page boy. So I say we form a partnership and use our collective intelligence to start up our own organization and take out the competition."

"Your offer sounds very tempting, but somewhat contrived."

"You'd sound contrived if you just flew from a boring meeting with McKenas Cole telling you to go get some old artifact that doesn't mean anything to anyone."

"I see your point."

"So, you in?" He sat for a moment, seemingly deep in thought.

"You have a deal." He replied, "Under one condition."

"And what's that?"

"We both spend the evening someplace better than this."

"I suppose I'm dressed for the occasion."

"Absolutely." He replied, looking me up and down once again.

"Then lead the way." I said, getting up from my chair.

He had a car waiting and told his driver to take us to an address I'd never heard before. Something like Calle de la Rosa and Calle de Palmero. I just sat back and enjoyed the ride.

We arrived at another club about 10 minutes later, called Absolute. It was full of wealthy elitists and captains of industry. They were, as someone once said, "the kind of people you'd like to drop kick," but I often envisioned much worse fates for these types.

However, Mr. Sark pulled me into the thick of the rich bastards for a dance. I immediately tensed up when his hand protectively wrapped around my waist. It sent me back to a dance I once shared with Simon in a ritzy club in Cologne. I felt tears begin to form in my eyes, but I quickly blinked them away as I tried to relax in Sark's arms.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing." I replied.

"I hardly believe that." He said.

"Believe what you want." I snapped, pulling away from him.

I began to walk off the dance floor when he grabbed my arm. I stopped for a moment and he pulled me back to him. I realized I had to keep this little game up if I wanted the plan to work.

The longer we danced, the more I thought about the infamous plan. I knew deviating from it would be a deviation from The Covenant and they'd have my head. But as I looked up into those blue eyes, I saw a passion that made me realise exactly what I had to do.

I looked even deeper into his eyes until I felt his lips against mine. Part of my brain was telling me to pull away and think of Simon, but the ruling part made me close my eyes and hold on tight until my lungs begged for air. We broke after a few moments and I looked at him breathlessly. I was about to suggest a visit to my hotel room when my phone vibrated in my purse.

"Excuse me." I said, rushing off to a quiet corner. I answered the phone quickly, seeing McKenas's name on the ID.

"Julia." I answered.

"What's the verdict?" he asked.

"Not sure yet." I replied.

"You've been working on him for almost an hour. There has to be an agreement already."

"He's been playing hardball most of the night. We're still ironing out a few things."

"Julia, you know this is a big deal to The Man. Make the right choice so you don't end up like Simon."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"We'll talk about it when you get back."

"No, you bastard! What happened to Simon!"

"Let's just say it wasn't the CIA." He replied, "Now get the job done and get back." I snapped my phone shut angrily and felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned and saw it was Sark.

"Sorry about that. It was my older brother." I said. He gently touched my cheek, wiping away a fresh tear.

"I know what happened to Mr. Walker." He said. I stayed silent.

"I assumed you knew, but now I believe I should reconsider that." Another few tears ran down my cheeks.

"He was set to defect from The Covenant and take you to Paris, but your 'older brother,' McKenas Cole, had him killed before he had the chance."

"How do you know about this?" I asked, more tears falling.

"Because I turned down the hit. I couldn't hurt you like that, Sydney."

"Why do you keep calling me that? My name is Julia!" I yelled, breaking down right in front of him. Tears were running down my face rapidly and Sark just pulled me to his chest, letting me cry.

I never thought such a cold-hearted assassin could understand something like un-admitted love, but then again, I understood it perfectly.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 **

I don't remember how long I was crying, but everything that came after hit me in a frenzy. We left the club and went straight to my hotel room. Even though I'd just met him and he kept calling me by someone else's name, there was something within me that made me want him so badly. It was like we'd known each other for so long, but never had the chance to explore what we felt for each other.

Kisses and caresses followed the ceremonious removal of clothing. Within a few moments, I found myself standing before Sark in nothing but my shoes and a pair of black lace panties. I kissed him hungrily and began to unbutton his shirt. The process was slow and long, but I knew the importance of not ripping a good shirt. I felt him moan under my touch as I slipped the shirt over his shoulders, scratching my nails along his hard chest.

I felt one hand slide around my waist while the other snaked into the waistband of my panties. From there, everything became a blur of licks, bites, kisses, and utter pleasure. I soon screamed his name loudly before collapsing on his chest, kissing the little injuries I left him with. Scratches littered his chest, playing companion to bite marks on his neck that nearly broke the skin.

I slept longer than normal, finally waking when Sark had breakfast brought up. I dressed myself in a cotton babydoll top and black pants before having some toast and fruit. We both sat on opposite sides of the small table, choosing not to approach the subject that was wearing on both our minds. It wasn't until after we'd finished eating that one of us even spoke.

"McKenas wants me to come back." I said, "I don't want to, but I know he'll have me killed if I don't."

"As much as you hate him for what happened to Walker, you have to go back and act like nothing's changed." He replied.

I began to remember that I'd admitted the mission plan to him after my breakdown. He knew that the proposal was a ruse, but I planned to uphold it myself. I told him I wouldn't go back to Rome and I'd stay with him wherever he went and try to take down The Covenant.

"I told you before; I'm not going back to Rome. I won't sit across from him and listen to him drone on about The Man and talk about how Simon was a casualty of his own choices. I don't think I'd be able to do that without trying to slit his throat for all he's done."

"You know you have no choice. The Covenant will have you tracked and killed if you don't go back. They won't just let a turned CIA agent go."

"I've never worked for the CIA."

"You did once."

"What do you mean? I've been a freelancer since my family was murdered. I hooked up with Simon a few months ago and I worked with him until he was killed. Then, I started working under The Covenant. I've never been CIA."

"Allow me to explain."

"You'd better."

"Until 2 years ago, you were a CIA operative named Sydney Bristow. The Covenant kidnapped you from your apartment and brainwashed you into thinking you were Julia Thorne. Since then you've played their patsy, going on missions for them and betraying the US government."

"And why should I believe you?"

"Because, though there are many things you don't know about me, I was once your adversary."

"So that's why you've been calling me Sydney. I was apparently someone else."

"It's the honest truth. Ask McKenas about Sydney Bristow."

"How do I know this isn't a setup and you're not just mentioning this name to get me killed?"

"Because, my dear, it wouldn't be much fun to bring down an agency without you." He smiled.

My mind weighed my options as I sat there, searching for the truth in his eyes. I suppose me once being someone else would explain why I feel like I've known him my entire life. I looked into those big blue eyes and saw that he was really being genuine about everything. Seeing that completely tore away everything. I really used to be someone else.

I felt those all-too-familiar tears begin to collect in my eyes, but this time I didn't let them fall. I had to slip back into the hardness I'd known for the last 9 months or I'd fall apart. I decided to go back to Rome and have a heart to heart with McKenas, just to see if Sark was right.

I arrived at the building that housed the office of The Covenant. I quickly walked through the lobby, heading straight for the elevator. I pressed the button for the 8th floor and waited patiently as the elevator car took me up. I arrived with a ding and went right into McKenas's office unannounced.

"McKenas, we need to talk about some things." I said. He turned in his desk chair to face me.

"Julia, so good to see you." He replied with a smile.

"I heard a name that struck a chord. I wanted to ask if you knew anything about it."

"What name?"

"Sydney Bristow." His face went white for a moment before returning to normal.

"She was a CIA operative that we took care of about 9 months ago." He replied.

"Okay. Sark agreed to the proposition."

"Good. When do you meet with him again?"

"In a week."

"Get yourself prepared. I'll talk to you again the day you leave." I nodded.

"Alright. I'm gonna go back to my apartment."

"Very well."

"And maybe you'll call before my meet and tell me what happened to Simon." I said in a low voice.

"I doubt that."

"Fine." I spat bitterly, walking out of the office. I slammed the door before going back to the elevator and leaving the building.

I went back to my apartment, gathering a few items for my impromptu meeting with Sark. I told the truth when I said I was meeting with him in a week, but I conveniently left out the fact that I was going to the Giardino degli Angeli (Garden Of The Angels) to meet with him tonight. We both knew we'd never make it an entire week, so we planned on spending as much time as we could with each other.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 **

I arrived at the garden in an outfit similar to the one I wore the previous night. It was a short, spaghetti-strapped, dark maroon dress with a deep sweetheart neckline. I accented it with strappy black high heels and a black beaded rosary.

Sark saw me arrive and promptly stood to help me find him in the crowd of people. The Garden Of The Angels was a popular place this time of year, so it would have been difficult to find him otherwise.

"Remind me to thank your stylist." He greeted.

"Okay, thank me. I don't need a stylist." I replied before kissing him.

"You look lovely."

"Thank you."

"So I take it you spoke with Cole?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"He said Sydney Bristow was a CIA agent The Covenant 'took care of' about 9 months ago."

"Which proves me right."

"I suppose it does. Want a cookie?" I replied sarcastically.

"No. I was thinking of something better." He sat, pulling me onto his lap and kissing me passionately.

"I missed you on the plane ride back. I had no one to talk to."

"It's a shame. My flight here had me sitting next to some smelly businessman from India."

"That's why I made McKenas fly me out privately. I always end up sitting next to the smelly ones."

"I'll have to remember that sometime."

"Anyway, I told McKenas we were meeting next week, so everything's all set."

"Did he say anything about Walker?"

"Not even when I mentioned him."

"I'm sorry you had to find out from me."

"Better you than him. I would've choked the life out of him on the spot."

"And that wouldn't put you in very high standing with The Covenant."

"Exactly. But I did slam his office door when I left, for good measure."

"Well then, maybe I should start taking tips from you." He said sarcastically.

"That was so funny I forgot to laugh."

"Clearly, a comedy career isn't in my immediate future."

"Clearly." I replied, "So what's on the agenda this evening?"

"I thought we'd have a nice dinner nearby and then work out the rest of the details as we went."

"That sounds like a good idea, but I think I'd like to take in some more of the atmosphere here first."

"Yes, the garden is quite lovely this time of year, isn't it?"

"It is, but I was thinking about a different kind of atmosphere." I replied before capturing his lips in mine.

He moaned into my mouth as I repositioned myself. I straddled his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck, playing with the soft hairs in back of it. I felt his arms slide around my waist as I felt the heat rise. As much as I wanted him, a public garden in Rome wasn't the optimal place to have him.

"We should take this to my penthouse." He said breathlessly as we broke for air.

"Lead the way." I replied.

He walked me through the garden with an arm around my waist. We went out into the brisk evening air and he led me to a limo that was waiting at the entranceway. He helped me in before climbing in himself, and we were off to his hotel.

We looked like the perfect couple as we walked into the lobby of the hotel, hand in hand. I saw a few women eye Sark, so I merely paused for a moment to kiss him passionately. They gave a scoff before quickly walking away.

"Is someone showing off?" he asked with a giggle.

"Absolutely. It's not every day I get to saunter into one of the fanciest hotels in Rome with a sexy blonde on my arm." I replied.

"I suppose I could say the same."

"But you forgot the part about my killer fashion sense."

"So did you." I kissed him again as we both chuckled.

"Enough. Let's get to the elevator before we can't take it anymore and I have to have you right here."

"I wouldn't mind that one bit."

"You wouldn't, but I think the hotel clerks and the other people just might."

"And?"

"Come on." I said, taking his arm and dragging him toward the elevators. He kept his arm around my waist as we rode up to the 14th floor. We walked quickly to his suite, stopping to open the door.

Once inside, I pulled him toward me, kissing him passionately. He wrapped his arms tightly around my waist, holding my body firmly against his own. We stayed locked in our kiss for what seemed like an eternity before we had to come up for air.

"I couldn't wait an entire week." I said.

"Neither could I." He replied.

We were attached to each other's lips once again, our tongues battling for supremacy. I could feel the heat radiating through my body as Sark's hands roamed up my back to unzip my dress. We broke apart once again and he gently pulled each strap off my shoulders before letting my dress fall onto the floor. He leaned to kiss me again, but I stopped him.

"No fair. You've got more clothes on than I do." I said.

"Maybe we can fix that." He replied with a smirk.

I slipped his suit jacket off his shoulders before I went to work on the many shirt buttons. After a few moments of fumbling with them, they were finally undone. I grabbed him by the waist of his pants and pulled him to me, crashing my lips into his. I worked my way across his cheek, down his chin, and began kissing & licking at his neck. I felt a moan work its way out and started incorporating nips and bites here and there. He was nearly putty in my hands, so I moved down to his chest, leaving little love bites as I went.

After what seemed like hours, he pulled me up and pushed me onto the bed. He finally undid his pants and threw them across the room, returning my torture. It didn't take him long before he couldn't take it anymore. We went for hours, only deciding to rest when neither of us could lift our bodies.

I awoke a few hours later in Sark's arms with a huge smile on my face. I wiggled around on the bed a bit before I found myself in a comfortable position – his arm around my shoulder and my head resting on his chest. My movements gently roused him from his sleep, so he sat up against the headboard, pulling me against his chest.

"Morning." I said with a smile.

"Morning." He replied.

"You know, you never told me your firstname. I feel kind of silly just calling you Sark."

"It's Julian." He replied, "Is there anything else you'd like to know now that you have the opportunity to ask?"

"Tell me about Sydney." I said, "What was she like? What kind of person was she? What were things like between the two of you?"

"Sydney Bristow was an amazing woman. She was one of the best agents the CIA had, which automatically made us mortal enemies." He explained.

"She was beautiful. There were times that we were in the field and I just wanted to say to hell with whatever I was doing just so I could kiss her. I always wanted to tell her how much I desired her, but I knew she wanted no part of it."

"You don't know that for sure." I interjected.

"Sadly, I don't because I never took the chance. But she was a top agent. She always did her operations to the letter. We saw each other as a challenge and that's the way we preferred it. To tell you the truth, I liked having her as an adversary because she could match me so well."

"She sounds like one hell of a woman."

"She still is." He replied, kissing the top of my head.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 **

It was a week before I'd see him again. The days seemed to drag by until McKenas called me up to meet with him. I went to his office and he told me I was to leave for Los Angeles at once. I did as I always did, going to my apartment and packing a bag, but on the way back I called Julian to tell him of the sudden change of plans.

"Julia love, I didn't expect to hear from you so soon." He said.

"Change of plans. I'm leaving for Los Angeles in about 20 minutes."

"Why the change?"

"McKenas called me to meet with him and told me I was to leave immediately."

"Very well. Meet me at the 15th Street Bridge at 2100 hours."

"I'll see you then. Bye." I shut my phone and drove to The Covenant's private airstrip, wondering why McKenas would send me to Los Angeles on such short notice.

I boarded the plane and spent the 18-hour flight thinking of what I should expect when I landed. I hadn't been to the States in quite awhile, so I wondered how much the city of angels had changed while I was away.

I landed safely on a private airstrip and was promptly chauffeured to a fancy hotel a few blocks away from the 15th Bridge that I had to meet Julian at in less than an hour. The driver handed me a new passport as he helped me out of the car. The bellboy took my bags and led me up to my room.

"The bed's been turned down and if you need anything, just dial 9 on the phone to reach the front desk." He said.

"Thank you." I replied graciously.

"Have a pleasant stay Miss Bristow." I almost fainted when I realized what the bellboy had just called me.

I finally knew what was happening. McKenas wanted me to be Sydney Bristow and be a mole within the CIA.

I waited about 20 minutes before leaving my room. I rode the elevator down to the first floor, looking through my passport. Surely enough, I was going to become Sydney Anne Bristow – top brunette CIA agent. My mind silently cursed McKenas for throwing me into this mess without a clue as I quickly walked across the lobby and out the front doors of the hotel.

It took me about 10 minutes to walk to the bridge, which I was thankful for. I waited a few moments before I saw a black Audi pull off to the side of the road. I watched carefully as the driver turned off the engine and got out of the car. I walked across the road and I was met with a pair of the most beautiful blue eyes I'd ever seen.

"Were you followed?" Julian asked immediately.

"No. I walked from the hotel a few blocks away." I replied. He put his arms out and enveloped me in a warm embrace.

"I don't think I can do this one." I said.

"Why not?"

"McKenas wants me to be Sydney Bristow."

"Are you certain?" he asked, looking into my eyes in the hope I wasn't being serious.

"My driver gave me this passport when I arrived at the hotel." I replied, handing him the passport. He took one look at it and let out a heavy sigh.

"I can't believe he asked you to this."

"I think he wants me to go back to the CIA tomorrow. There's no way I can get prepared in that short of a timeframe."

"With my help, you'll be able to make it through the first day."

"Well first of all, I need to be a brunette."

"I'll take care of that." He said, pulling out his cellphone. He made a few calls before shutting his phone contentedly.

"Shall we?"

"What are we doing?"

"We're going to get you ready for tomorrow. I called in a few favors."

"Thank you." I said, kissing him sweetly.

We both got in the car and we were off. I stared out the passenger window as buildings and houses went by. We stopped at an intersection and I looked over at a cluster of apartments. I saw a man getting out of his car before he looked my direction and I saw his face. Instantly, my mind flashed to a scene of this man and I locked in each other's arms as we talked about something called SD-6.

"Julian, I think I just had a memory." I said.

"What was it of?" Julian asked.

"It was a man and I talking about something called SD-6."

"What did the man look like?"

"He was tall with light sandy brown hair and green eyes." Julian nearly choked.

"What?" I asked.

"You remembered your ex-love."

'What do you mean? Simon doesn't look like that!"

"The man you just described is Michael Vaughn, Sydney's ex-love. They were together for nearly 2 years before she disappeared."

"Well what in the hell is SD-6?"

"I promise I'll explain every single detail later on. Right now, we have to worry about making you look like Sydney."

"You'd better." I said.

He kept driving and I continued to think. More and more buildings passed by until we stopped. We were in front of a small building among a cluster of warehouses. I got out of the car and followed Julian up to the main door of the building. I felt more and more wary with every step, but I shoved my fear down. Julian pulled the heavy door open for me and I walked in, seeing a light shining from the rear.

"Julian, is that you?" an older brunette woman asked.

"Yes, Irina, it's me." Julian replied, "I've brought Julia along because she needs your help."

My mind tagged on the name Irina. _Irina…Irina…Where have I heard that name before?_ I stepped forward and Irina looked me over before I saw tears collect in her eyes.

"Does she…?" she began.

"I'm afraid not. She had a memory when she saw Michael Vaughn, but she hasn't remembered much else." Julian replied.

With that, the tears pooling in Irina's eyes gently fell down her face. I felt bad that this woman was crying because I didn't remember her, but I had to shove that feeling as far down as it could go.

She looked at me for a few more moments before she enveloped me in a warm hug. I closed my eyes and breathed in her scent briefly. It smelled like home, like a life I once knew. At that moment, another vivid memory hit me: I was a young girl, wrapped up in a loving embrace. I looked up into Irina's eyes and saw her smile. "My darling Sydney," she said. "You're going to grow up to be a beautiful and strong woman one day. I just know it." I smiled at her and said "I'm gonna be just like you, mommy!"

I came back to Earth when Julian put a hand on my shoulder to steady me. Apparently, Irina had taken a step back during my moment of remembrance. She was looking at me oddly for a moment before I launched myself back into her arms.

"Mom…" I said. She sighed joyously and held me close as she started to cry. Julian looked on with his usual blank face, clearing his throat after a few moments to remind us of what we were there for.

"I'd hate to interrupt, but we have a bit of business to attend to." He said.

"Right." Irina replied, wiping her eyes, "Let's get you looking like my beautiful daughter again."

After about 2 hours of beautification, I was finally finished. Julian finally got to see me when I was done and all he could do was stare with his mouth hung open. I sensed that his look must've meant that I was the spitting image of Sydney Bristow.

"My god, Julia." He finally said. I looked to Irina.

"Do I look that much like her?" I asked. She nodded.

"Then looks like all I need is a tutoring session. I need to know her habits, normal reactions, friends, past history, and so on." Julian pulled out a file folder and handed it to me.

"First things first: you need to know about the people you'll be working with. Sydney is a field agent for the CIA, so she has a lot of close friends from her work. The first person you'll need to know about is Jack Bristow, Sydney's father."

I looked at the picture of the older man with graying hair and felt another small memory come up. I was sitting next to Jack on a piano bench as a young girl, playing a song for him. He smiled and started to join me when Julian snapped me back once again.

"Julia, you have to focus." He said, "The next person is Michael Vaughn. Since you've already had a memory of him, you know that he and Sydney were together before she disappeared."

"He'll be easy to work on." I replied.

"Then there's one of Sydney's closest friends, Marcus Dixon. They were partners at SD-6 for 9 years before the SD cells were dismantled. He worked with her at the CIA shortly thereafter. He's now on his way to becoming director of the Los Angeles CIA office."

"You still haven't explained SD-6."

"In short, they were a terrorist group under the direction of Arvin Sloane, who lied to all the lower level agents by telling them that they were working for a black-ops group of the CIA. With Sydney and Dixon's help, the group was dismantled 2 years ago."

"So where's this Sloane guy now?"

"Fully pardoned by the United States Justice Department and running a world relief organization called Omnifam in Zurich."

"Now isn't that a kick in the head?"

"Something of the sort, I'm sure." Julian replied. The study session went on for a few more hours until we were all sure that I could handle my first day at the CIA.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 **

I felt nervousness grip me as I walked into the CIA rotunda, but I refused to let it hinder my performance. Julian spent the entire previous night getting me up to speed on everything and I refused to let it be squandered by anything.

The CIA had been previously informed of Sydney's return, so I was to meet with Director Dixon the moment I set foot in the building. I went over the information about Dixon in my head, making sure I didn't miss a single detail. His wife, Diane, was killed by Sloane as payback for the death of his own wife, Emily, about 2 years ago. He had 2 children, Steven and Robin, who were 13 and 15. He was Sydney's partner at SD-6 and also with the CIA before her disappearance.

That's everything. So pick up your feet and sashay into that office like you've been gone on purpose.

I walked immediately into his office, not bothering if I'd interrupted him. He looked at me surprised and asked me to sit down. Though I really didn't want to, I knew Sydney would happily oblige his request. I sat in a chair about 2 feet from his desk and took a deep breath, preparing myself for the con of the century.

"Sydney, I must say that when I heard you were coming back to this office, I was very surprised." He said.

"Believe me, so was I." I replied.

"After 2 years away, everyone in the agency believed you were gone for good."

"Oh ye of little faith…"

"It's not that we didn't have faith, it's just that there was no suggestion that you were ever coming back."

"Part of me planned on not coming back, but then The Covenant killed my partner."

"So are you coming back to help the CIA or hurt The Covenant?"

"I suppose it's a bit of both."

"Sydney, you know there are people within the CIA that would love to have your head on a platter if they found out you were here to get back at The Covenant because they killed your partner."

"Look, I don't have to explain myself to anyone. I came back for my own reasons. If the CIA can't understand that, then I'll just go back to Rome and you forget this whole thing." I spat, getting up from the chair I was sitting in.

"Sydney, I'm not going to be shy about the CIA needing your help. The Covenant's been one of our biggest adversaries right now. Whatever intel you have about this group, I'm sure I'll be able to strike a deal with your non-fans to make sure nothing unexpected happens."

"Alright then. But I'm going to make one thing clear: all I'm disclosing is intel about The Covenant. There will be no other questioning about anything related to my personal life or the things I did when I wasn't on the job. In other words, my relationships are not up for scrutiny by ANYONE. Not you, not my father, not Vaughn, not even the NSC."

"Absolutely. I have the authority to restrict information and I'll make sure nothing personal is brought up."

"Thank you." I thanked the gods silently for my success.

"Sydney."

"Hmmm?"

"Welcome back." Dixon said, hugging me. I tried my hardest not to be creeped out because I knew Sydney would appreciate such a warm greeting after everything she'd been through.

"Thanks." I replied, "Is my desk still open?"

"We never managed to find an agent good enough to fill it." I smiled at that. Julian wasn't kidding; Sydney Bristow was a top agent.

I walked out of Dixon's office and made my way over to the empty desk that was collecting dust. I smiled again as I saw picture frames with photos of what I'm sure were happier times in Sydney's life. There were a few of Irina, one of her, Irina, and Jack, and one of her and Vaughn shoved way in the back behind the rest. I suppose she never wanted to forget about what they had together, but she wanted to make it look like she had.

"Sydney."

Speak of the now married devil…

"Vaughn, what is it? I have a lot of work to get done."

"I wanted to see how you were."

"Oh really? That's funny, because I would think that you have a pretty good idea of how I am." I said angrily, "I left on an undercover assignment and you married someone else!"

"I thought you were dead or gone for good. You never told anyone that you were leaving."

"Well, it's not like I had time to do that. But then again, I don't think this has anything to do with me not saying anything. This has to do with you losing faith in me, in us. You thought it would be easier to believe I was gone forever without anything than to search for me and find it out for sure. Am I right?"

"I waited for weeks to see if you would come back or at least contact me to let me know you were okay. I lay awake every night, wondering if I'd done something to make you leave or if you really were dead. I finally went to London, your favorite city, and decided to let you go. That's where I met Lauren."

"Did you say Lauren?"

"Yeah. Lauren Reed. Why?"

"Oh, no reason." I was laughing inside my head because I knew something he didn't.

If only you knew that The Covenant tasked her to marry you and I was there in the room when McKenas gave her the task…

"Look, I wanna be civil about this."

"I'm sure you do. That way, your conscience can rest easier because you don't have to see the pain you've caused." I spat, "Now I would appreciate if you stop wasting my time because I have work to do." He frowned and started to walk away.

"Wait, take this with you while you're at it. I don't need it anymore."

I thrust the picture of us into his hands and started on my work, not even giving him a second look. I heard him shuffle away and I smiled evilly to myself.

Men are so weak sometimes…

"Syd!" a voice bellowed across the rotunda. It was Eric Weiss, one of Sydney's best friends.

"Eric, hi." I said.

"Where have you been the last 2 years? We thought you were dead."

"That's been classified as need-to-know only. And according to Dixon, no one needs to know just yet." I replied.

"Well, whatever happened, it's sure made you act differently toward me. Can't a guy get a hug after not seeing you for so long?"

"Of course." I replied with a smile, giving him a warm hug. In the back of my mind, I was worrying because I felt myself slipping deeper into this persona. I had to keep my guard up somehow without blowing my cover.

I spent the day doing the usual work I'd done for The Covenant, but my mind began to panic when Eric reminded be that we were having a briefing.

"From the intel that agent Sydney Bristow has given us, we've figured out The Covenant's next move." Dixon began, "This is Julian Sark. He's been funding The Covenant since they popped up on the intelligence radar. He's planning to meet with a contact of his named Julia Thorne tomorrow night in Vienna. Sydney, as much as I'd like to give you some time to breathe, you're the only agent we have that's been inside The Covenant's activities. I want you and agents Vaughn and Weiss to go to Vienna and shadow Sark & Thorne. Come back with whatever intel you can. Wheels up in 3 hours."

I nodded, feeling a pang of fear knot in my chest. I was going to have to talk to McKenas and Julian to change the meeting. My mind began to race with possibilities of what could happen if things couldn't be changed. I would be made and I'd be under siege by The Covenant and locked up by the CIA.

I managed to make it through my last hour of reports before dashing home to call Julian.

"Hello Julia love." He answered after only 3 rings.

"We've got a problem." I said, breaking his casual demeanor.

"The CIA's found out about Vienna, haven't they?" he asked.

"We need a counter strategy." I replied.

"I've already thought of such a plan."

"Then you'd better let me in on it."

"Of course."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 **

The plan had been discussed over and over. I was clearly aware of the dangers and the possible arousal of suspicions, but Julian assured me that anything would be swiftly and quietly handled. My only problem was that I was supposed to act like I hated the man I was sleeping with atleast 3 times a month.

We arrived at the park where the meet was supposed to take place and waited. We were, of course, in disguise so the average citizen wouldn't be alarmed at our presence. I thought the blonde wig I was supposed to wear was a nice touch, though.

I was forced to be sitting on a cold metal park bench with Vaughn, acting like a lovestruck couple. Needless to say, I hated this plan. I tried to arrange to be sitting with Weiss, but both men insisted that due to my history with Vaughn, he would be the best person for me to act all lovey dovey with. After hearing that, I hated the stupid plan even more.

"Alright guys, it's time. Sark and Thorne should be arriving any moment now." Weiss said into my comm.

I pretended to look around the park to throw Vaughn off from what was really happening. We'd both been looking around for only a few moments when I heard a gun cock behind me. Vaughn immediately turned his head to see Julian standing behind me. As he made a move for the gun, Julian shoved it hard into the back of my neck. I winced slightly before Julian finally spoke.

"Good evening Agent Vaughn. And Sydney, always a pleasure." He said.

"Shouldn't you be somewhere tearing the wings off butterflies right now?" I quipped sarcastically.

"Without gracing you with my presence? I wouldn't dream of such a thing."

"What do you want Sark?" Vaughn asked angrily.

"Agent Bristow and I have some unfinished business to attend to. Don't we, love?"

"Call me that again and I'll rip out your spine. Then again, I doubt you actually have one."

"That almost hurt, Sydney. Now, get up."

"No." He pressed the gun harder into the back of my neck.

"Get up. Now."

"Alright, alright." I conceded, getting up from the bench. Julian roughly grabbed me around the neck and pressed the gun barrel to my temple.

"Any sudden moves and you'll be sorry." Vaughn let out a sigh and kept his hands visible.

"Well then, we'll be on our way." And with that, Julian dragged me away.

He stopped as soon as we were out of sight and put his gun away. I looked at him for a moment before kissing him passionately and wrapping my arms around his neck. He kissed back roughly and we kept at it until we both gasped for air.

"I missed you, love." He said.

"I know." I replied with a grin. He kissed me again before taking my arm in his.

"I've got a suite in a hotel nearby."

"I've got some free time."

"Then we should be going."

"Absolutely." I kissed him gently before setting off for his hotel.

We barely had the door to the suite closed before we were frantically pulling at each other's clothes. I'd managed to get his jacket off and most of his shirt buttons undone before he stopped me.

"What is it?" I asked, a bit concerned.

"We always move so fast. I want to take it slow this time." He replied, kissing me gently.

I nodded breathlessly as he kissed down my neck, pulling my wig off and letting my hair cascade down my bare back. He pulled my halter off and began kissing down my chest. I threaded my fingers through his hair and moaned gently as he kissed down to my stomach. He looked up into my eyes and I kneeled down to his level, kissing him passionately and pulling his shirt off. He gently pushed me backward and we made love on the floor, savouring every moment we had together.

About an hour later, I found myself curled up in the arms of my blonde lover. I smiled happily before remembering that I needed to find my way back to Vaughn & Weiss before they got too worried about me. I'm sure they'd already called back to the rotunda to report that I'd been taken.

"Julian." I said, shaking him gently to wake him. He opened his eyes after a few shakes, looking at me with a worried gaze.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I have to go."

"No you don't. Please stay here with me."

"You know I can't do that yet. The CIA will come looking for me and McKenas will send a team to have me killed if I'm found."

"Alright then."

"I love you." I said, kissing his forehead. He looked at me oddly for a moment before he smiled.

"I love you too."

"Anyway, I think the wonder twins contacted the agency already, so I'm gonna have to look a little worse for the wear." Julian looked like he really didn't like that idea.

I finally convinced him that I had to muss myself up a little to make my capture look believable. It would be a bit hard to believe that Julian Sark had taken Sydney Bristow captive and let her go without a scratch. As Julian himself had told me before, he never left Sydney Bristow completely unharmed when their paths crossed. He'd reluctantly helped by trying to create bruises on my wrists to suggest that I'd been restrained in some way.

"If we hadn't had to take things slow, we wouldn't have to fake these bruises." I joked while I strained against a set of bonds I'd put on my wrists. After a few meager attempts, we decided a more real approach was better.

He handcuffed me to the bed with metal cuffs and proceeded to tease me as I squirmed & strained against my bonds. He ended up uncuffing me after a small stream of blood began to trickle down my left wrist. He gently took my wrists in his hands and kissed them before looking up at me, a mix of reluctance, hurt, and apology in his eyes. I knew he didn't want to do it this way, but it had to be done. I kissed him and grabbed my things, leaving his suite with a quiet goodbye before tears began to spill from my eyes.

On my way back to the safehouse I was told about, I messed up my hair and got scratched up in some shrubbery. I knew I had to look like I'd nearly been tortured but managed to escape by running through the woods to the safehouse. It was still late when I arrived, but I knew Vaughn and Weiss would still be up waiting to see if I'd come back.

I approached the door and knocked on it weakly. One of the men jumped up and pulled the door open, gun pointed straight at my head.

"Syd?" Vaughn said, giving me a once-over.

"Can you put that thing down and let me inside?" I asked, my voice still tear-stricken from having to leave Julian in such a state. Vaughn set his gun on a small table near the door and moved aside to let me in, closing the door behind.

"Oh my god Syd. What happened?" Weiss asked, coming into the room to see who'd come knocking.

"I don't wanna talk about it yet." I replied, "I need a shower."

"Alright. We'll get the first aid kit once you're done and get you all cleaned up."

"Thanks." I smiled weakly and made me way to the bathroom.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

I let the hot water of the shower wash over my body as my mind began to pick apart and analyze everything that had happened in the last few weeks: Simon was killed by what seemed to be the CIA, but was actually killed by The Covenant because he was defecting; McKenas Cole wasn't the man I thought he was; I'm not really Julia Thorne; My name is apparently Sydney Bristow and I was brainwashed by The Covenant; I'm a CIA agent with a whole past and history I can't even remember except in bits & pieces when something triggers a memory; Julian Sark, while bankrolling The Covenant, is helping me to destroy them once and for all.

What the hell is a girl to do when she's got all of that on her mind?

I quickly washed my hair and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a soft white towel around my body. I went to the bedroom to change, but was confronted by Vaughn before I could get there.

"What happened to you?" he asked.

"I'll tell you about it later. Just let me go get changed." I replied.

"Look Sydney, I know there's no way we can be where we once were…"

"Probably because you're married now and you have certain responsibilities that shouldn't include me whatsoever."

"…But I still care about you and I'm willing to help you with whatever's going on with you."

"As much as I appreciate your offer, I don't need your help, nor have I ever needed it when it wasn't expressly asked for. You now have a wife to take care of. I should be the least of your concerns."

"You know I still care about you a lot."

"Maybe that's something you shouldn't do. I don't need your help or your care. I'm an independent person and I've done fine on my own for the last 2 years without you. So, if you don't mind, I'm going to get changed and get some much-deserved sleep."

"I wish you'd stop punishing me for marrying Lauren." He said as I began to walk away, "I didn't just jump on the first woman that came along after you left. You left without any word and were gone for 2 years. Two years, Sydney. After almost a year with no word, I knew you were gone. You'd never go that long without contacting anyone. Lauren was a friend that helped me get over you and we happened to hit it off really well."

"You think I'm punishing you? You're completely right. I'm punishing you for losing faith in us. What we had was forever, but obviously you didn't have enough faith in that to wait for me." I spat, walking to the bedroom and slamming the door behind me.

I pulled out the cellphone I tucked away in my bag and called Julian to rant a bit.

"Hello?" he answered.

"It's me."

"Are you in the safehouse?"

"Yes."

"Then why are you contacting me? Your CIA counterparts could be monitoring you."

"I don't care."

"Well you should! If they suspect you in the slightest, our whole operation could be undermined."

"I know. I just needed to talk to you."

"You only left about 30 minutes ago."

"I know. I just had a rather interesting conversation with a certain someone."

"Agent Vaughn giving you trouble?"

"Always. He's married but he acts like he wants to keep me around on the side."

"His love for you blinds him from anything else."

"It seems as such."

"You're developing feelings for him despite it all, aren't you?"

"No." I lied.

"You forget that I've been trained to lie. I know one when I hear it."

"I'm not supposed to."

"Sydney wasn't supposed to but she did. It doesn't make you any less for feeling something besides contempt or hatred for him."

"I'm not supposed to because I love you."

"I know you do. And I love you as well, but you have to keep your head in the game."

"I know."

"Just get through this so we can take down The Covenant. Then you can run away with me if you want."

"Alright."

"I'll meet you again in a week. The Hotel Verluszeit in Graz."

"I'll be there." I replied, "I love you."

"I love you too. Now get some sleep."

"I will. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." I hung up, feeling a bit better about myself.

I changed into a comfortable pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt before opening the bedroom door and making my way to the mainroom. As soon as I came into sight, I was hit with a barrage of questions.

"First off, what happened to you?" Eric asked as he opened the first aid box.

"Sark took me hostage." I replied matter-of-factly.

"We know that." Eric said, "What happened after you disappeared?" It took a second for my mind to register the cover story Julian and I had thought up.

"He knocked me out and next thing I knew, I woke up in an empty warehouse handcuffed to a chair."

"It looks like you did a lot of resisting. These cuts are pretty deep."

"I tried to get away, but the chair was bolted to the floor."

"Well, lucky for you, they aren't infected. You still get to keep your hands."

"Thankfully."

"I have to tell ya Syd, you're the luckiest spy ever. Even more lucky that Sark didn't end up meeting with that Julia Thorne person."

"How do you know that he didn't meet with her?"

"Well, you never mentioned anything about seeing her and the only other woman he was with was you, right?"

"Right." I replied with a faked smile.

"Well, with a few scrapes here and there, and these cut up wrists of yours, I'd say you did pretty well." Vaughn said, interrupting the conversation.

"Pretty well? I was tortured and had to escape!" I said defensively.

"Of course, Julia."

"What did you just call me?"

"Julia Thorne. Or don't you recognize that name?"

"Vaughn, what the hell are you insinuating?"

"Let's see, Sark is supposed to meet with a contact named Julia Thorne at the exact time he puts a gun to your head, he takes you away, and you don't recall seeing another woman with him at all. Doesn't that seem a little suspicious to you?"

"I don't think so. I think there never was a Julia Thorne and Sark was baiting us."

"Baiting us?"

"I believe you've heard the term before." I replied, "He asked me about Rambaldi's 47th prophecy. I assume The Covenant wanted the information and Sark decided to bait us so he could grab me and get his answers."

"Rambaldi's 47th prophecy? But there's only 46."

"Which means The Covenant's on to something the CIA has yet to know about. I made a call to an Italian contact of mine in the Science Ministry that confirmed they'd made a find that was related to Rambaldi." I replied, "You wanna question my loyalty now?"

"Sydney, I…"

"Save it, Vaughn. Let this be a lesson that you shouldn't jump to conclusions from your wife."

"What do you mean by that?"

"You thought I didn't hear your call to Lauren about me?"

"What?"

"You called Lauren and told her what happened."

"No I didn't. I was informing Dixon of what happened."

"So then Dixon was the one that suggested, and I quote, 'You think Sydney could really be Julia Thorne?'" I looked at him suspiciously, knowing he was lying.

"So now you're eavesdropping on me?"

"Don't change the subject Vaughn. You were talking to Lauren and she decided to throw some of the heat on me so no one would chase the leads they had on her!" I blurted.

Dammit Julia, you weren't supposed to burn Lauren Reed! I could hear Julian chastising me already.

"What leads?"

"Just a few suspicious trips that weren't sanctioned by CIA or NSC."

"Those could've been personal trips."

"Then why wouldn't she clear them through any of the departments?"

"Stop trying to make Lauren look like the bad guy because of your own insecurities."

"My insecurities! You just think you're everything to me, don't you?"

"I wasn't talking about myself. I was…"

"Trying to insinuate that I was making your wife look like a criminal because she married you! Vaughn, I don't know who the hell you think you are but you are nothing to me. You hear me? NOTHING. I don't lay awake at night and wonder how I lost you. I don't sit at my desk every damn day and wonder what Lauren has that I don't."

"I never said you did."

"Let me finish!" I yelled. He looked at me a bit wide-eyed and shut up immediately.

"My life does not revolve around you anymore. I don't care if you married someone else. I don't care if every time you make love to her, you're thinking about me and wondering what I'm doing at that very moment. I'm living my life without you and it's the most fulfilling thing I've done since the moment I came back." I spat, getting up and going back to the bedroom. I barely got the door closed before the tears came.

As I cried, I wondered exactly why I was crying. I didn't know anything of the relationship that had gone on between him and Sydney. Or did I? I closed my eyes and focused on his face, seeing another memory come back to me.

An old Russian man paced the room while I was strapped to a chair. There was a video playing on the large screen, but I refused to look at it. I knew that if I saw what was on that screen, I would break down completely and all I fought for would be in vain.

"Don't you see? He doesn't care about you anymore. Look at his face, listen to the words he says." The man, who I'd come to know as Oleg, said.

I tried so hard not to watch the screen, but I couldn't help myself as I heard the words that ultimately shattered my heart.

"I, Michael, take thee, Lauren, to be my lawfully wedded wife. To have and to hold, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."

Tears continued to stream down my face as my heart broke all over again.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

The week before I was to meet Julian in Graz couldn't go by fast enough. Six days of apologies and puppy dog looks from Vaughn were beginning to drive me insane. Eric tried to help by spending nights over at my place making jokes and helping me drink my memories into oblivion, but it didn't help. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw the one thing that broke me in the firstplace.

Through the last few days, I felt myself drifting away from being Julia and felt myself settling more and more comfortably into being Sydney Bristow. It became easier and easier as the days went on until I barely responded to McKenas when he called me Julia.

"Julia." The name barely registered anymore. I nearly ignored it until my brain yelled at me to respond.

"I'm sorry Julian. What were you saying?"

"Are you feeling alright?"

"Of course. Why do you ask?"

"Your attention's been faltering lately and you don't respond to me when I call your name anymore."

"I've just got a lot on my mind lately."

"You're thinking about him aren't you?"

"Who?"

"Vaughn."

"Of course not. Don't be silly."

"Julia, you know you can't lie to me. I can see it in your eyes."

"Would I be crazy if I said it was getting easier and easier to be Sydney Bristow, but harder and harder to be Julia Thorne?"

"Not at all. I knew in due time you'd come back around."

"But it feels like a betrayal to who I've become."

"But you were Sydney before you were Julia."

"Yeah, but…" I shook my head and tried to focus on the urgent news I had to tell Julian

"The CIA's organizing a raid on all of The Covenant's facilities. They found out there were only the offices in Rome and the cell here in Los Angeles, so they're going in as soon as they can." I said.

"And they're sending you to help take down the Los Angeles cell, aren't they?"

"Every field agent in the Los Angeles office is going. That means me, Weiss, Vaughn, and all the others."

"Has Agent Vaughn discovered the truth about Lauren Reed?"

"I led my father to the conclusion and he brought it to Vaughn yesterday. He's still in denial, but he's more ready than any of us to take down The Covenant."

"He subconsciously knows that his wife's been betraying him all along." Julian said, "He's always had a sneaking suspicion, but nothing has confirmed it."

"I like to believe that sometimes, but no one will ever know for sure but Vaughn."

"You still love him, don't you?"

"Part of me wants to believe I do, but part of me believes I love you."

"Sydney, I see hw your eyes light up when you talk about him."

"You called me Sydney."

"That's who you are, isn't it?"

"I'm not sure anymore Julian. Who am I really? I don't even know."

"Your name isn't what's important. It's your heart that counts."

"My heart's not quite sure either."

"I know how that feels." He replied with a sigh. I knew this would come from the moment McKenas asked me to become Sydney Bristow. I knew I would lose myself in this assignment and end up no longer being Julia.

Why did my heart have to betray my mind? Was I really, truly in love with Julian or was that the Julia part of my brain telling me I should love him? Was I really in love with Michael Vaughn or was that the Sydney part of my brain saying she never got over him? Would my relationship with Julian last after this? Would I go back to being Sydney and live the rest of my days with Vaughn? I didn't know what to think anymore.

I stayed with Julian in the hotel room that night but I couldn't sleep at all. I was too afraid that if I went to sleep, I would wake up and he'd be gone. I just pulled his strong arm around me and tried to rest, if only for a few minutes.

I awoke the next morning to Julian still snoring lightly beside me. It made me smile for a moment because he looked so innocent in his sleep. Rather than disturbing that blissful innocence, I left a kiss on his forehead and a note by his bedside before I gathered my things and went to the airport.

I had to go back to Rome to collect what I could from my life as Julia Thorne. I felt tears pricking at the corners of my eyes through the whole flight, but I remained determined that lastnight wouldn't be the last night I ever spent with Julian. That hope seemed to get me through the flight, and I landed at the airport in Rome without any tears.

It wasn't until I'd arrived in my apartment and saw all the things from my old life that I began to wish things were different. Julia Thorne was the type of person that Sydney Bristow wanted to be, but had too much of a heart to become. Julia was the type of girl that would practically whore herself for the right information. Well, that was before Simon came along.

Simon Walker seemed to know just how to tame Julia. Once she'd fallen for him, his was the only bed she shared. She became a calmer, more focused person. That night in Sevilla was to be the best of their lives because they were going to run away together and leave their world behind. But once McKenas Cole knew of their plans, there would be no bests left in Julia's life. Simon died on that night in Sevilla, and so did the caring part of Julia. Or so she thought.

Julia Thorne never thought she could love again until she met Julian Sark. Though he knew her as Sydney Bristow, he could still understand who Julia Thorne was. At the same time, as I thought back, maybe Julian fell for Julia because it was the closest he could get to having Sydney Bristow. I shook that thought away because I knew Julian really loved Julia because she could understand the part of him that no one else could. Not even Sydney could understand that inner drive he had to destroy everything that ever hurt him; that darkness that could nearly send someone to the brink of madness if they didn't know how to harness it properly.

As I gathered everything I could into an empty suitcase, I wondered how much of this would ever become a part of Sydney Bristow. Would she ever have a desire to keep the photos of Julia and Simon? Would she ever be able to cherish the special memories behind the Midnight Angel statue from Julia's nighttable? Would she ever have the strength to read the diary Julia kept to write about how she felt every time she killed someone? I couldn't begin to fathom how Julia's things could ever become a part of Sydney's life, but I knew there had to be a balance somewhere.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

As I returned to Los Angeles, I still couldn't begin to find the balance between Julia and Sydney. The two were just so different from each other that it was hard to figure out how part of one's life could fit into the other's.

Julia's life was full of death, torture, pain, hate, guilt, and lies, while Sydney's life was one of life, love, laughter, happiness, and forgiveness. The good usually withstood the bad and the bad never lasted very long in Sydney's world.

I tried to shift my thoughts away from Julia and Sydney to Vaughn. Julia could understand how much pain he must feel, knowing that he'd been lied to. He'd loved Lauren, but she'd never really loved him back. At the same time, Julia was glad this happened because he got what he deserved. He'd given up on Sydney and so his marriage had fallen to pieces. However, Sydney still loved him and even forgave him for everything.

My thoughts continued to swirl around the entire supernova of chaos I'd created as I drove back to my apartment in LA. Suddenly, my phone rang and pulled me from my thoughts. I answered it, seeing Jack Bristow's name on the ID.

"Hello?" I said.

"Sydney, it's me. The operation is going to commence at 1500 hours."

"I'll be there. Make sure Tac Ops has my gear ready."

"I'll see you then." I hung up the phone, feeling a sense of readiness wash over me. The operation was on and we would be raiding The Covenant's facility in less than 2 hours.

I quickly sped home and threw the suitcase from Rome into the closet and sat down on the couch. I tried to wrap my head around everything that was happening, but I just couldn't seem to. I went across the hall and knocked on Eric's door to see if he was home because I knew I needed someone to talk to.

"Eric?" I said as I knocked.

"Hold on Syd, I'm coming!" I heard being yelled from the other side of the door. He opened the door a few moments later and immediately ushered me in.

"What's wrong Syd?" he asked, seeing my appearance. Though I'd tried my hardest to look like nothing was wrong, it still showed badly through my streaked mascara and puffy red eyes.

"It's so complicated I don't even know where to begin." I replied.

"You know you can talk to me about anything that's going on."

"I know. But this will definitely throw you for a loop, I promise."

"Just start from the beginning and we'll see how it goes."

He handed me a box of tissues and I told him everything. I told him about being brainwashed, falling for Simon, Simon getting killed, meeting Julian, falling for him, discovering I was really Sydney Bristow, not remembering any of my past but the memories that came back every so often, seeing my mother, being tasked to return to the CIA as Sydney Bristow, finding out that The Covenant was behind everything, deciding to do everything in my power to take down The Covenant, and Sydney still being in love with Vaughn even though Julia is still in love with Julian.

"You have no idea how…just…whoa…that whole thing is." Eric said once I'd finished.

"Now you know how I feel." I replied, "I can't even refer to myself as Sydney or Julia. I feel like I'm a third party outside these 2 lives."

"I know what you mean." Eric said, "But have you talked to either Sark of Vaughn about how you feel?"

"Not really. I left Julian a note before I left Graz. I told him that I was confused and didn't know what to do anymore. I promised I'd tell him when I finally found out who I was and who I loved."

"Ouch. That's gotta be a shot straight to the inflated ego."

"It's the best thing I could come up with. Eric, I don't even know who I'm supposed to be. I don't remember who I was before I was Julia. All I know is that my name was Sydney Bristow, I worked for the CIA, and I was in love with Vaughn."

"Then I'll try to fill in the blank spots as best as I can before we have to leave."

"Thanks."

In an hour's time, Eric had managed to tell me about Danny, Will, Francie, Sloane, SD-6, the CIA, Vaughn, and my parents to the point that I felt like I could maybe be Sydney again. Before I could ask any more questions, my cellphone rang again. It was Vaughn.

"Bristow." I answered.

"Syd, it's time."

"Alright. I'll be right there."

"Be ready to roll as soon as Tac Ops gets you suited up."

"I'm already ready to go."

"Good." I hung up and looked at Eric. He nodded and we left for the JTF.

Once we arrived, my father led us to Tac Ops and we got suited up.

"Alright agents." Director Dixon began, "This is it. We finally have all the necessary resources to take down the terrorist group known as The Covenant. You will be going in by force and apprehending every person you come across. If there is any hostile fire, you respond accordingly. Now, let's get this done and come home alive. Understood?" The field team nodded and we all filed out of the building.

As we got into the vans, I looked over to Vaughn, taking note of the look in his eyes. He turned to look at me and gave a slight nod at the look on my face that seemed to say everything I could possibly say in the given situation. We rode to the drop point and mentally readied ourselves for the situation ahead.

As soon as we stopped, I heard "Go! Go! Go!" and the team rushed out of the vans. We stormed into the complex, apprehending everyone we came across and taking out any and all hostiles. The ordeal was over rather quickly and I watched in absolute wonderment as Lauren Reed was being taken out of the complex in handcuffs. Everything seemed to go in slow motion after that moment, as the team members secured every inch of the complex.

I stood in the large mainroom of the complex, looking around incredulously at everything. Ass I looked around, everything began to change until it assumed the look of what I took to be the aftermath of the SD-6 raid. Sparks flew everywhere, papers covered the floor, and I watched the scene unfold as though it was happening right before my eyes.

I was pulled from my reverie by a worried Vaughn, who looked worn and frayed from what had transpired.

"Syd, are you okay?" he asked, looking at me caringly. I looked around a moment before replying.

"I think I finally am." I said. I immediately threw my arms around his neck and kissed him passionately.

With the passing of this truly monumental and trying event, I finally figured out who I was.

I was Sydney Bristow and I was in love with Michael Vaughn.


End file.
